Foreigners.... The Modern day Geisha!

For those who have not seen the movie "Memoirs of a Geisha".....A Geisha: One of a class of professional women in Japan trained from girlhood in conversation, dancing, and singing in order to entertain professional or social gatherings of men. (www.freedictionary.com). However, a Geisha is strictly Japanese. In China, the equivalent would not be called a Geisha. The character used to describe these types of women would be the same symbol for prostitutes. Though, in Ancient Asia, most did not deliver any sexual services. These courtesans were artist. They danced, painted, played music, and sang. They were used as representations for love, beauty, and honor. There are many differences culturally between the Geishas in Japan, and their predecessors of China. A Geisha, in the Ancient term, no longer exists in China. Japanese Geishas are not allowed in China. It is now looked at as strictly prostitution here; and relies most on the underground market for survival. Yet, to fulfill that essences that a courtesan would bring to their social environments, they now look to their foreigners. 


Before, I go any further, there is no sexually connotation that is meant by this blog. That is not to say that it does not happen, but that it does not make or reflect my point. Outside of the usual work or school that brought most of us to China, it is very easy to find side jobs "showing face" for the locals. Some businesses will welcome all foreigners just to show up because it makes them look better to the other locals. Having an establishment that is good enough for foreigners means that you can attract more high class, sophisticated locals. It allows you to charge more for your products or your services. Meanwhile, giving things to the foreigner for free to show their appreciation; and to also mark their status. There are plenty of business that will pay you to sit in there establishment, or to make an appearance. However, these types of gigs are easier to come by if you are of Caucasian descent. Business men will pay white women about $125.00 an hour to stand and pretend to play the violin as they conduct their business. Clubs and restaurants will pay foreigners to lip sing, or even just to show up and partake in their affairs. Being a foreigner usually means instant VIP. Forever flowing drinks and fruit; and all they ask is that every once in awhile you dance to their music or be friendly to the surrounding locals. 


Earlier, I mentioned that these jobs are readily accessible to white....light...fair skinned people. The flip side of this coin is a mass amount of discrimination to my African brothers and Sisters. This, to a point, does not effect me. Once, or if, they reach the realization that I am American...or mixed blood....as I am often referred as. Yet, the first impression is that all African guys are drug dealers, and all the girls are prostitutes......AND.....ALL BLACK PEOPLE COME FROM AFRICA!!! lol. So, if you haven't figured it out yet, I learned rather quickly to stay away from this scene. First, if they do want to hire me, they not bout to have me standing around like some monkey in no zoo. Second, I clear for lord, I will never give them the opportunity to judge me because of the color of my skin! ....mmhmm...yep.... I meant to say it just like that! Lastly, of course that is not what I came over here for. I am here to make money, but mostly just to better myself and make the folks back home proud. If I wanted to keep hustlin to make ends meet, I would have stayed where I was. I do understand some of the college students taking those kinds of jobs. They are not technically allowed to work. But, many will have no source of income without it. Some send money home. Others are saving to bring their families here. There are plenty of reasons, but for me, my dignity just won't allow. I was discriminated once, but I had no idea what I was walking into. The offered us free food and drinks and money just to be present for three hours. That went on for awhile, but eventually the truth came out. I wasn't present that day thankfully. I feel that I would have lost all behavior if I had been there. They only promised to pay the Africans that night, if they promised not to come back. They only wanted the white foreigners to stay from that point on. But, that is all I needed to hear to know not to put myself in that situation again. 


Needless to say, no matter what job a foreigner has, their number one role is ambassador to the western world. It is almost as if we are walking billboards. We bring to life what the west is really like, and not just them vicariously experiencing it through HBO. Everything we do is examined or scrutinized. Not everyone's perception will be positive, but it is their perception still. We are hired by companies to promote English speech for the benefit of listening to a native speaker; as well as to support the standard of prestige of offering a foreign teacher as part of their services. As I am teaching, they will take pictures of  my class. They introduce me to whomever necessary. For the most part, I do not really mind. I enjoy networking, and on the other hand... it is nice to receive attention because you are educated and professional; and not just because you a cute monkey in a zoo. So often the lines get blurred between being that ambassador, and being a maverick. Even when the attention is good, and they are staring because they think that you are beautiful; I need to be acknowledged as a human being. I did come here to provide a service, but I am not a toy. I am not to be used, or misconstrued as available at your leisure. It is not my purpose to cater to the needs of locals. I want to be treated as an intellectual, and an individual. I am here to work, to learn, and to expand my brand. There is so much more you can receive from a person when you no longer perceive what you possibly can gain from them. I wish we lived in a world that ingrained the necessity of manners and education everywhere; and not just this corrupt ideal of socialization. 


Thanks for reading... I know I have venting a lot lately, but adjusting to life here has its ups and downs. Hopefully, my next blog will be a little more upbeat! 


Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Love, De'

#TIC

Many of us know the "Excuses Poem". It states that excuses are the tools of the incompetent, and are only used to build monuments of nothingness. For most of us, we know that even if we are giving an excuse that eventually we will have to face the music, and face the situation directly. But, here, on the other side of the world, they have built an entire country on an excuse. THIS IS CHINA! What they do not know will not hurt them. Everything is fine as long as there is peace and harmony; and never mind the big elephant in the room. The less you know or understand, the better. Here, things get done because they are suppose to be done. There is never a question of why or how? They just do. Acceptance is Ignorance and Ignorance is Acceptance. The people lose themselves in this effort to become united. And as a foreigner living here, it is hard to hold on to your individualism and your expectations. Often times, I find myself questioning whether or not I am being the stubborn American. I feel lost in a sea of unrealistic peace. It is something that some say I must get use to and accept. However, I fear how that will effect me in the long run. Other foreigners find it quite easy to just go with the flow of #TIC. So far, I have not been able to talk myself into it. I don't think I can or that I should really. When I even considering the excuse for a reason, I can feel the sensation of just being slapped upside my head for being so "no manners". I understand the culture is different, and certain things you do just have to let people be themselves. Yet, perhaps, our humanity should sometimes over-ride our sense of self preservation, and maybe consider doing what is best for others.

Movers and Pushers....

Sadly, it has become funny to watch the locals push and shove each other to get on the bus, order food, or even just use the restroom. My first reaction is that it is not that serious! In Kindergarten, we learned how to line up in a single file line, how to take turns, and the value of please and thank you. We were reprimanded  for cutting the line or standing out of place. With that in mind, I stand back, and watch people fight to be first on an already packed bus so that they can get where they are going. Many times, with just a little patience, they would have noticed the other bus going the same way with less of a rush. But, that is there natural reaction. to hurry up and get it, because if you don't, you will miss it. The country is so big, that the people have gotten use to always fighting for what they need, or not getting it at all. So as the country expands, the peoples mentality has stayed the same. It has become so ingrained in their persona, that no one minds pushing or being pushed. As for me, I am ready to snap on the next person who brushes past me. At times, I try my best to be a reflection of an act of kindness. Most aren't sure what to do with it. It is really a test to my patience and temper. As I work on those things, it is hard to also balance the other side. Which is a disapproval for the lack of courtesy. I can't let that become okay with me. Yet, everyday, it seems harder and harder to adapt to the nature of the people and hold to my standards.

Table Manners....

Often times when I am out to dinner, locals will come up to us.  They either want to talk to us in English or Chinese, have a toast, or plainly just watch us eat. Now, this is not the way they treat each other, but because we are foreigners and this is China, we have to put up with these interruptions. I understand that business is done and relations are built over drinks. But, whether my dinner is casual or intimate, I do not want to be bothered. I am trying to eat...lol!  I don't drink, so many get offended when I raise my glass of water; or raise the glass they brought me,... and then sit it down. lol... I find it hilarious! I try not to hide my disgust as they disturb my dinner. I usually am the one to say goodbye or get a way as rudely as possible. And by that point I don't care that I am looked at as an ambassador for the west, because in the west this behavior is unacceptable. You do not interrupt others when you are not directly involved with them. And....you know me! I am usually stuffing my face anyway....lol. I have to admire though the reason they do it. Most are just trying to be friendly. However, there is a time and a place for everything; and standing over me while I eat is not it!!!

Home Sweet Home....

Just other day, I went apartment hunting. I used an agent at first. He met me and a coworker of mine, who was going to interpret for us, on the corner. I told them exactly what I needed. Some locals may say it was a bit too picky, but I didn't want to buy my own refrigerator or air condition unit. I wanted to live in a tall building with an elevator, and not a 6 floor walk up. I compromised for location however. I advised that I was willing to not stay in the city center in order to get a nicer, newer place. They first place that I was shown was a walk up. I said no from jump street. I gave in and looked at the apartment anyway. It was old. Things were broken. They kitchen and the bathroom was almost all in one, and the beds had no mattress. The neighborhood was right next to the upscale department stores, and the supermarkets, and the business district. Yet, behind the wall of luxuries buildings, they had walked me into the ghetto. There was an outside market with vegetables, trinkets, meat hanging on lines, and dead fish in tubs of water waiting to be sold. You can probably imagine the smell!!! I am already highly disappointed and annoyed at the waste of time. The second place had a nicer building, but not that much better. The apartment was actually very nice, but everything from the last tenant was still in the house. He had just moved out and left everything behind. For instance, the eaten sunflower seed shell that were left in the glass coffee table drawer; or the mildewed rags hanging in the bathroom. With no regard to #TIC, I asked the question, "So, ya'll really show your clients dirty apartments?" The agent, as well as my interrupter,  shrugged their shoulders and blatantly replied "Yes...". You could tell by agents facial expression that he thought I was just asking for too much. Needless to say, he did not charge us for the visit, and was probably elated not to have me for a client. lol.

In my experience thus far, I have spoken to many locals. Most will tell you that their is a standard of courtesy and manners that exists in China. It is out of necessity that many bad behaviors has become habitual. As they have open their borders, times begins to change. Yet, the people are finding it difficult to break the habits that have become tradition. So, many English students savor over the chance to explore another country, or enter into western society. But, they fear that it will be overwhelming getting use to the culture. I just taught an etiquette class the other day to some high school students. I walked a thin line, because I did not want to extinguish their dream of traveling abroad, but I really wanted to address the difference between the cultures. With that, I plan to continue not excusing their reason not to be polite; or  respect the privacy of others; or not to take pride in their appearance. However, I must keep in mind that perception is reality, and these people do what they must. It is not until any of us learn better that we actually do better. So instead of being a part of the problem, I must find away to create a solution. Maybe, this could be a calling to teach English etiquette. There could be a lot of money in that.... We shall see what the future holds!

Next Post.... Foreigners... Modern day Geishas! (Coming really soon since I am so behind...I've been busy!)

Dancin Out!

Some times are..... hard. 
Times where marinating in my tears only makes it worse. 
I need to get up off this floor. 
I gotta move. 
I need to feel the splinters pierce my feet as I slide across the floor. 
I am gonna lace up my tap shoes and add new indents to the wood. 
I am going to leap, lunge, turn, kick, switch, reverse and all that jazz. 
And bruise my knees til my stockings bleed and then get up and do it again. 
Not even stopping for a water break cause my sweat will cool me off the natural way. 
I am gonna push myself till my sugar is high and my throat is pumping cause my adrenaline is rushing. 
Turn without spotting till I am dizzy. 
Doing splits in first, second, and fourth position standing up against the wall until my legs are numb. 
Like a lyrical genius, I am going to choreograph with out even thinking. 
Making orange colored skies visible. 
And I will feel the heat with the bar like I am dancing with somebody.
I am not gonna stop dancing until i can hit at least 5 turns in a row right and left. 
I am going to hit my leaps in first, second, turning and switching. 
I wont stop moving until I am bruised, swollen, beaten, and bleeding. 
And I will do it all to myself. 
With nobodies help. 
I will dance till the pain brings tears to my eyes. 
Tears to cover up the real reason why i cry. 
See Natalie Cole would laugh it out of her life. 
Laugh so hard til she cried.
But me, I am going to Dance it out in the most traumatizing, abusive way i know how. 
Releasing all my anger until my body hurts and I can do nothing but fall back on to the floor and cry it out.


This is a poem that I wrote years ago... or maybe I won't call it a poem. Rather, an expression of words that I had to get out of my head and onto paper. There is nothing like the passion of dance. Everything around us moves...everything dances. Dance is a visual expression of music and lyrics, or the lack there of. It has the ability to reach all your senses to deliver it's message. And, in China, dance is a big deal.... 


I had no idea, but I was totally excited when I saw it... Groups of people line dancing at the supermarket! Every evening, no matter the weather, the locals come together. They put a song on the loud speakers, and they dance. They seem to know which line dance goes to which song. I do not know how they practice. Maybe, they just do it so often, that they just get into the swing of it. It is really interesting to see. No matter what supermarket you go to. They are there right after sun down. A section of the grounds are marked off; and lines of people come together for this evening ritual. In the same fashion, in the morning, many of the older people will get together to do flow yoga. Maybe after the children have been dropped of to school. The sun is up and the air is cool. This is the time for the people who may not be able to keep up with line dances, or going to the gym. And, like most outside events, it is free. Hatha flow yoga is said to be easy for beginners and older adults. It seems to be soothing and great exercise all at the same time. I have even thought about joining them, but I am usually on my way to work when I see them. But, they are interesting to see. I have also rode by locals dressed up in costume performing routines in small groups.   There are probably a few different groups taking turns dancing with others beating drums or shaking something behind them. Again, I was on the bus. I could not get in any pictures. It was fascinating to see. I am not sure the reason behind it, but it was very cultural. It reminded me of going to the community center and partaking in the African dance with the ladies in the traditional costumes. So needless to say, the locals like to be OUT DANCING!


My most favorite event that they do is ballroom dancing in the park. Me and some of my foreign associates were spending time in the local park. As we were leaving, we could hear the music with the reggaeton flavor. My friend from the Philippians and I immediately got excited. We walked up on a group of people doing the salsa. She and I jumped right in! I think the locals were surprised to see us join in on the dance. We danced our way all the way through the crowd. And at the end of the song, we took a bow! lol. That was so much, we have been back twice since. We can not understand the teacher, but we made do by watching their body language. Even in just walking past the park, I can hear the music playing. It has a way off putting a smile on your face. 


Now, for the younger adults.... they love to dance. They will pop and lock all day. They may not even be sure of what the song is saying, or they will spend the time to decipher the words. They love to freestyle, and most are current with the latest dance move. I had a group who was too excited to show me the dougie. I had to give them a few pointers on their flow, but they were some great dancers. Their society is very encouraging to them about promoting their craft. Groups display their talents on stage of local events or at night clubs. There is a battle coming up later on this month. Where different groups will compete to see who is the best. I hope I get to make it to see that. They put so much effort and care into their craft, it was inspiring. So I decided to find a place where I can dance. After asking around, I found a dance studio not far from where I work. They offer jazz and hip hop. And from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm the classrooms are open for personal use. I met the instructors, I observed the class, and I took a free class. I was sold! So, this was my first week of class. I thought it was going to be weird, but I fell right into it. And for the most part, my classmates don't mind me unless they want my help. I really enjoyed the classes. I was so amped after they were over. I am really sore though! Like, I really worked hard, and I got to show off a bit too lol!. 


The class is actually helping give my life routine. It is really good exercise, and the people are nice. I can honestly say that I had not felt this way about dance in years. It is good to find what I enjoy here where so many things are unfamiliar. It seems to be that dance is a big part of the culture here. It brings people together. It is a work out. For me, it helps tear down that great divide that makes us so different. So, whenever I am feeling restless, or stressed out...the studio is just a bus ride away.......or my nearest supermarket lol.


A few pics of the Rt mart dancing group...lol!


Until next time....

Expanding My Brand

In China, there are many pros and cons to being a foreigner. When I first arrived, I was pleased to see that Hefei had a good-sized community of foreigners. I have met people from all over the world. Most of us are teaching, and there are few that may have a side business as well. On Average, Foreigners make way more than the locals. We work less hours...maybe between 15-25 hours a week. Even when, they raise the price, and give us the "it cost more because your foreign" discount, it is still cheaper then what most of us would pay in our home countries. With the night life, We are treated like celebrities, and the club owner is just grateful that we make appearances. And for most foreigners, that is enough. That is all that they require. That is their Chinese experience. They are complacent with being the puppet....behaving the way foreigners are expected. They work a little bit, Go out after, and recover the next morning. And, maybe, if I was just "running".... that would be okay with me too. But, I want more. There has to be something worthwhile to gain from this experience.

I remember three things that my Father used to always tell me: "If you can sell yourself, you can sell anything.", "Be content, but never satisfied", and my favorite...."Those who forget their past, are condemned to repeat it".

So first on my quest for "more", I decided that I was going to become a student of the language and the culture. I downloaded Chinese learning software. I have a Chinese grammar and pronunciation tutor twice a week. I am becoming more observant and inquisitive about the behavior and meaning of the culture. Slowly, my courage is building to begin using the simple words in public...like Hello, and Thank you lol. My teacher is always getting on me about talking with my neck. But, every word has four different tones and meanings. So, you have to say it with the right tone, or it could mean something you don't want it to. So, as I process the word in my head, I say it with my body to make sure that I am using the right term. She and the other teachers get a kick out of it lol, but it works for me. I am intrigued by there daily lives. I do my best to understand why they behave the way they do. I find similarities, as well as differences. Many times, I notice that we all have the same issues, it just made better sense to them to handle it in a different manner. For example, the Chinese are very straight forward people. So, when it comes to driving, beside them or behind them means nothing. In America, we rely on our mirrors, our lights and our signals to tell other drivers our intentions and to make the safest move. Yet, here in China, the horn replaces all of that. Because other drivers are not going to pay attentions to what is not right ahead of them. And the number one goal is to reach the destination by any means necessary. Using your horn in the U.S. for anything other than an extenuating circumstance is likely to get you cussed out, shot, or killed lol! But here, it is polite. It is the manner by which the roads are kept safe. Seems impossible, but China has one of the best driving records in the world...Go figure! The point is, taking the time to learn and understand a different culture will make it easy for me to adapt in a number of situations. Having this skill and experience makes me more marketable.

Secondly, I am constantly searching for more work. Not just more teaching, but corporate as well. I am looking here and at home. I love my job. I actually am beginning to like the kids. But, it isn't enough. I am doing my best to be proactive in finding the next best move. I am keeping my options open. I don't want to sit still and become complacent with my current life. I am focused on what comes next, and most definitely not going backwards. When I look at how far I have come, it is impossible for me to be satisfied. I know how easy it is for everything to slip right through your fingers. Sometimes my search for greatness leads to many restless nights. There is almost a fear of going backwards. At the same time, there are thoughts of self sabotage that creep up. I must remind myself to live in the blessing; and to take progression one step at a time. Sometimes, I have to slow down, but I refuse to give up. The Chinese are hard working people. Many of them, never get to enjoy the luxuries that their own city provides. In living here, I can't see myself just lounging. So no matter if next year comes, and I am here, home, or somewhere else, I want to be able to say that my next move will be greater than this one. I want to truthfully be able to say that my life was a blessing to me and to those around me

I took this journey mostly to find answers to questions that I did not even know how to ask. Yes, its true, I was running; but this trip has become so much more than that. I am expanding my brand. I am a greater commodity to whatever job I take next, or to the life of any person I may meet. At first, I was really home sick; and pretty disgusted with the manners of these people. I have since found that my opportunities here are endless. This trip has the potential to broaden my horizons fare greater than just going to go visit the Great Wall. I am two months in, and I am looking forward to the next ten to come. I refuse to spend it getting wasted all night, and the bulk of my following day recovering. I wake up earlier. I call my family, and then there is business to be done. I could have stayed home and partied. I much rather be up filling out resumes, practicing my Chinese, and then followed by a dance or yoga class in the evening. Then, when my foreign associates ask me where I have been, I tell them, and watch the look of confusion take over their face. Don't worry though, I plan to do a lot of sight seeing and touring; and it is fun to go out every now and then. However, I want to really experience China. I like doing what the locals do. That is the stuff that makes you great, and not being in VIP.  That will definitely be an upcoming blog, Chinese Night Life....

Anyway, sorry this was late. I hope you all enjoy. Miss you guys dearly. Feel free to share, and keep me in your prayers!

Look for my next blog coming soon: Dancing Out!

The Bus

THE BUS... As I begin to write this post, I have to recall the time when my family first went to Disney World. We stayed on the Disney campus, and the best mode of transportation was THE BUS. The stations were confusing. We got off on at the wrong places. We missed a few. We got lost. The experience of the bus was so exhausting, yet memorable that my Mother and I said we would write a story about it. We never got around to it. But, in essence of that experience, I figured I would share this one.

In Hefei, China, and most other places, there are five modes of daily transportation. You can walk of course. There are special lanes for electric bikes, regular bikes, and mopeds. You could drive yourself, or take a taxi. The last, but not least, option is to take the bus. Walking is probably the safest because of the reckless driving habits of the cars and the bikes. However, this takes too long, and is tiresome. You could drive or ride a bike. I won't be, because everyone in China needs to attend a driver's ed class! You are most likely to get hurt, unless you are used to fearlessly maneuvering through the traffic.  Taxis are extremely convenient. The driver is most likely a pro at dodging in and out of traffic. So, you will most likely be safe. However, those taxi cab costs add up, and can be quite expensive. For just 1 rmb, you can hop onto a bus at the nearest bus station and get to your destination in a matter of minutes, depending on the traffic.

The bus is a very popular option. As many people depend on the bus to get them where they need to be. The problem with the bus... Most of the time, they are over-crowded. Most Chinese people have no concern for personal space. So, they will pack on a bus like sardines. I was amazed the first time I saw it. The bus driver had to literally stop people from getting on the bus. For the people getting on the bus, it is nearly a competition to see who can get on the bus first. It is almost a natural reaction. There maybe no one on the bus, but those ready to board it, will rush to be the first on the bus. Only way to move around on the bus is to push. No one will naturally just move aside to let you through; and they don't mind if you push them to move. The bus driver moves as fast as he/she possible can down the road; and will slam on breaks to stop perfectly adjacent with the upcoming station. Imagine the poor passenger's on the bus who are standing. They are doing everything within their might to hold and keep their balance. When you get on the bus, you must hurry and find your spot. It won't be long before there is a huge jerk, and the bus is off to the next station.

My experiences on the bus.... Well, the bus announcement of the upcoming stop is in Chinese of course. So, I have no idea what it says. I have gotten off the bus too early, and had to walk for an hour. I was so lost. It was dark, no one could help me because they could not understand me. I had know idea where I was so I could not call  my boss to get directions. Eventually, I was able to get enough of a WiFi signal to look at my Google maps. Lucky I had marked home and school as points of interest. I mapped where I was, and figured out how to get home. There was a time when I missed my stop. I was riding and looking, riding and looking lol. And then the bus pulls into this shed. The driver says something to me, but I don't know what!!! Then he proceeds to get off the bus. Omg!!! So, I guess he is done. I get off the bus, and I look around. Nothing looks familiar! So, I hailed a taxi. I showed him my address, and he drove me two blocks down the street. He made a quick, unnecessary six bucks. There have been times when I have gotten caught on a crammed bus. It wasn't too packed when I got on, but it seems all of Hefei was waiting at the next stop up the road. They all got on the bus. That was a long ride. It seemed as if my stop would never come. When it finally did, it was a fight to get off the bus. Once, I was waiting at a bus stop for forever!!! Just to realize that the bus I was waiting for did not stop at this station. I was too tired. All this time I was waiting for the 15 or the 155, and the 4 bus that I should have been on had passed me three times already. On the bus, the people are so fascinated with my appearance, that they just sit and stare. Some will try to hide it, and others won't. Most don't mean any harm, but, after a long day, it is hard to put on a good face and be nice to the locals. One lady actually poked me...lol. I guess to make sure that I was real. I assume it was her daughter who called her attention to her behavior. I actually just laughed. The old lady was ashamed, so I shook her, and the young ladies hand. She spent the rest of the time talking and smiling at me. From that point on, Music became my very best friend...lol

If nothing at all, the bus has taught me not to sweat the small stuff. Even if it appears to be as big as a bus. I take my headphones with me everywhere. My music keeps me calm for the most part, and distracts me just enough from the foolishness that maybe going on around me. Sometimes, I still get lost; or I am not exactly sure of where I am. There are still occasions when I get off the bus too earlier. Now, I just appreciate the walk. In the month that I have been here, I have learned to memorize my surroundings. I am becoming familiar with street signs. I am constantly looking to see what buses stop at what stations. I am learning the times when the bus system is the busiest to avoid packed buses. I refuse to get on a bus that is over crowded or over capacity. The bus is dangerous enough as it is. I try my best to sit in the back. This way, I am not expected to get up for an older person. If I am sitting in the front, I will move. I know some foreigners who won't. Their reasoning is that if young Chinese people will not get up for their own elder's, why should they? I understand their point. However, I am doing my best to keep to my humanity and manners. Which are very easy to lose here. And, I can just picture being slapped upside my head for letting an old lady walk by me, and not giving her my seat. So, I do. No matter how tired. I give the old person my seat. And, if by chance I do not have a seat to give them, but there is a young person sitting down; I have no problem being the crazy foreigner and nudging them to move. They can't understand what I am saying, but they get my point. MOVE AND LET THE LADY SIT DOWN WITH YOUR NO MANNERS SELF!!! That is usually my statement. lol.

Through all my crazy misadventures, I have had some peaceful times on the bus. Quite times where I just ride. With my music going on a non crowded bus, I can actually begin unwinding from my day. Or, I can get my mindset together as I prepare to start another day. Also, I have come closer to some of my coworkers (Chinese and Foreign) on the bus. I have met some adorable children who were excited to practice their English. Plus, there is this hilarious cartoon that plays on the t.v. on the bus with a herd of sheep, and their watch dog. None of the animals speak.but they do make noises. Their little adventures on that show are hilarious. I don't know what the show is called, but I be dying on the bus laughing at that cartoon. LOL. Then the locals really think I am the crazy foreigner. Hey, what can I say? I love cartoons!

Anyway this my note about the Bus. I am not sure if it will really do THE BUS experience any justice. It maybe something you have to see for yourself. I will put some pics up soon about the bus system. Thanks again for reading. Your comments mean the world to me! Feel free to share my blog with others. Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and your prayers! Love you all!!!

This weeks song is dedicated to all of those who get exactly what they pray for....Even if it isn't what they expected <3!

p.s. I hope you got a kick out of this one Tri Tri! lol. LOVE you!!!

Til Death Do They Part

A few days ago, I had the pleasure of attending the wedding ceremony of two of my co-workers. It was a beautiful experience. I was very humble that they decided to share it with me and the other foreign teachers. When I pulled up to the reception, the first person I saw was the bride. Her English name is Jenny. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her dress was stunning, and her hair and make up flawless. It almost brought a tear to my eye, but I rushed up to her and gave her a big hug. All the other teachers (Chinese and Foreign)  were gathered around greeting and taking pictures. I caught a glimpse of Jackal, the groom. He was running around making sure everything was in order. As we took our seats, Coke, Sprite, Wine, Expensive Chinese Liquor, Pumpkin Seeds, and cigarettes were placed on each table's Lazy Susan. There were at least 100 people in attendance. As the ceremony began, the Groom stepped onto the red carpet holding his brides flowers. And then the Bride begins to walk down the red carpet. She stops under a canopy in the back. the Groom walks back to meet her and present her with her flowers. He falls to one knee. Then the both of them walk to the front as flowers and confetti are thrown in the air over their head. Fireworks are going off outside. It is 12 o'clock in the afternoon so you can't see them, but I think the point is just the sound. Once the couple is at the front, words of encouragement are given by selected individuals... including our manager. They exchange rings and kisses; and then their is a toast! Everyone claps and cheers as the Groom pics up a red suit case and takes his bride upstairs to their wedding suite. While we waited for them to return, food was served. A lot of food!!! And in wonderful Chinese tradition..lol... they started with the Foreigners!!! Each lazy susan was stacked 3 serving plates high with every type of meat possible. This includes turtle in the Shell!!! (yuck). Me, personally, I stuck to what I know. Chicken, Shrimp, Crab, and beef. There was also two soups, rice balls stuffed with pork, veggies, Chinese dinner rolls, and cupcakes with no icing. When the couple returned, the Bride was now wearing a red dress. Which is very symbolic to the "change". Hence, why they went into the hotel room with a red suitcase. The couple went to every table and toasted with them. Soon after, in the same manner they arrived, all of the Chinese guest left. It was if they all came together and are now were leaving together. In true foreigner fashion, we stayed! lol. We took pics with the bride and groom, and then we left.

I can imagine that this is every Chinese girls dream. Their entire families dream for that matter. It is expected for young people to finish university, get engaged, be married, and start their family at the age of 25. First, let me say, that I have met some Chinese girls who say they would love to get married, but not now. They have things they must accomplish. They are concerned about getting their lives together before starting a family. On the other hand, there are other girls... Who are so caught up in their traditions of mating that they pretty much do not care who the guy is as long as he puts a ring on it. Many have told me that they would like to grow up to be a house wife. I have met a few that would do anything for a man to say they love them. Which makes them easy targets for some foreign men. The real concern is that it is not love. Their culture has become so concern with continuing the family line that love is not a reason for marriage anymore. I do understand that their are many societies that hold that same standard, and many times love has very little to do with it. However, it was so good to see a couple like Jackal and Jenny. They actually love each other. So far it is evident that they will spend the rest of their lives together happily. This is something that many people can not say. It isn't that they grow apart, but they were never there to begin with. I know to most of the world marriage based on love is a fairy tale. However, I have seen the results of marriage with love as the foundation. My parents and My grandparents (The Grundys) are good examples of the absolute joy that comes from love. So, as I experience this culture of people and their ways, I notice the importance they put on getting married, and having a child. It was good to see that love could still be involved.

Jackal works three jobs, and Jenny works at the school full time. They paid for every bit of the wedding themselves, and no expense was spared. The only thing that was not paid for upfront was the cost Jackal had to pay to get into Jenny's family's home to find her shoes. He had to bribe the person at the door to let him to look for the shoes so that he could take his bride with him. She couldn't leave without her shoes of course. I think that is an adorable tradition. He said it cost him 500 RMBs. I told Jenny he should still be at the door! lol. They will vacation near the Yellow Mountains for a little over a week. I am sure their wedding cost a fortune, but they will not regret spendingit. As of now, I can say that they may stay together forever, and be happy about it.

So, anyway, enough mushy stuff! lol Appreciate your love ones, love yourselves, love others, and keep your heart open to receive the love of others.

Thanks a bunch for your comments and your prayers. Stay tuned for my next blog....THE BUS!!!!

LOVE YA!

Beauty is Skin Deep

What is the standard of beauty? We all have them... standards... goals... we wish to achieve in our physical appearance. But what if, that is all you have? And even that perception is built into you. How many of our daily routines are consumed with becoming the impossible? Without the everyday effort of obtaining this goal, you are nothing. What if you did not even exist on the spectrum of beauty???

One weekend at work, I was looking through the flashcards to use for my class, and I ran across three very interesting cards. They all had the same pictures of three women. Each card pointed to a different girl singling her out by pointing to what made her different from the other two. One card pointed to the white girl with the long flowing hair. Her word was long hair. The second card pointed to a white girl with wavy hair. It was entitled wavy hair. The last card pointed to a black girl with locks flowing from a pony tail, big lips, and big earrings. The title of this card....UGLY! My first emotion was infuriated. I took it personal. I am the ugly girl! I am suppose to go into the class; and teach these kids, who not only see a foreigner, but an ugly foreigner. My second emotion was disgust for their ignorance. None of the girls portrayed THEM. They don't even exist! Everything in me wants to say something. But, to who? Who would even understand? They would probably just try to sweep it under the rug anyway. Why should I expect to actually understand, or care? So I hid the cards...lol. And I taught my class.

These people are brought up believing that their skin must be lighter, their eyes must be bigger, and their hair smooth and blonde. Those are the standards of beauty. The billboards, to the ads, to pictures in the clothing store are all of either white people; or Chinese people who have reached the peak of this persona. You must be careful and read the labels!!! Mostly all of their body and facial care products contain "whitening". They carry umbrellas at all times to avoid contact with the sun. They have surgery to widen their eyes. The bleach their dark black hair until it is damaged beyond repair and orange. Then they just settle for being red heads lol.

If only they knew.... That darker skin is the ultimate protection from the sun, and many Caucasian women tan in hopes of having a hint of their color and their glow. That women draw lines on their eyes to give the illusion of their squinted eyes. Men find their long black hair and golden skin exotic. (Some men... maybe... I guess). If they only realized the commodity their race could be with just some self identity, and a little self pride. Trying to live in another's shadow, but the place has been filled time and time again. So all of their efforts back fire. They are even less identifiable than before. It is impossible to make your mark tracing someone else's foot prints in the sand.

So, I use the undeniable style my mother gave me, and the lesson my dad told me a long time ago. Effortlessly coordinated attire, light makeup and jewelry for an accent, and some smell good. On one hand I give them something to look at since they are gonna stare anyway. And on the other, show them the style, and grace that comes from being a beautiful African American. When they say, "Oh, you are so pretty". I remember Daddy saying, "It's okay. Just kill them with kindness!" So, I respond, "Thank you. You are pretty too." If I do not teach my students anything else, I want them to at least have some self esteem about themselves. I don't want them to recognize foreigners, and immediately go into how they are different or feel inferior. Instead, be confident enough to say, "Hello, How are you?" in English!

I am living proof that those flashcards are unnecessary and false. My complexion is beneficial and beautiful. My locks are healthy and manageable. My eyes are bold and dramatic. And little Chinese girl, you are the essence of beauty. Keep your golden skin. Keep your black kinky hair. Keep your mesmerizing dark eyes. If only you knew that these are standards of beauty that the rest of the world try to obtain. See the beauty that comes natural to you. .... Maybe that's it.... Everybody should just be natural....lol

28 hours later.... Welcome to Hefei!

On Thursday, September 22, 2011 at 6:15 in the morning, I flew from Charleston International Airport. I stopped in Atlanta, L. A. , and Shanghai. I landed in the Anhui Province of Hefei, China at 10:50 pm, Friday Night on September 23, 2011. The culture shock was overwhelming I was scared, and not the least bit tired. I was instantly ready to come home. I knew what I was here for, but I had no idea of what to expect. Every worst possible thought entered into my mind. I locked and barracked myself into my new room; and I cried myself to sleep. 

The next morning I woke up to Nino, my Chinese guide from the school, knocking on my door. I had to report to the school at 9:30 am. We left my apartment, and I got a really good look at where I am living. It was actually some what beautiful. I say that, to say.... that they have a lot of modern buildings, and beautiful gardens. Unfortunately the people are traditional and use to being poor. So, they don't always take care. or manage the upkeep, on their things. I live in an apartment complex with middle class families. A school practically in the backyard, and a playground for the kids. 

Anyway, as I am observing my surrounds, I realize that the locals are becoming intrigued by the "foreigner w/the dark skin". They can't help but stare. Some just wait to see my reaction, and others want a chance to practice the little English that they know. Altogether, this is making me nervous. I am quickly keeping up with Nino!!! She waves down a taxi, and we get in. The cab driver too!!! She is fascinated by the foreigner. Nino tells me she said that I look young, and wanted to know where I am from. I have no idea what she is saying. Hopefully, that is what it was. lol

I hadn't eaten since the plan ride to Shanghai. I was starving!!! Nino, being so kind, got me breakfast. She brought me a box of egg pastry things; and a sandwich with corn, and some kind of shredded meat on it. I didn't know what that was, and I wasn't hungry enough just to try it. So I gave it to the Chinese teachers. They loved it!!! Thankfully, the foreign teacher, that I was shadowing and replacing, took me to the coffee shop and bakery. I got some "better than Starbucks" coffee, and a piece of cake that tasted just like my Aunt's pound cake. I don't think I was mentally ready for "Authentic" Chinese food. For lunch, the foreign teachers and myself went to an American style restaurant. I ordered the meat lovers pizza, and some kinda fruit tea that was sugar-free. I was happy for little pieces of home. It was comforting in such an overwhelming time in my life. 

The Chinese teachers are all very nice, and can use English better than most. They were use to working with foreign teachers. They didn't act overly surprised to meet someone who was not Chinese. They were fascinated to see someone of dark skin, and locks in their hair. They had all been taught that pale skin, and long, blonde hair is the standard of beautiful. So for the whole day, the admired my skin, and my hair, and my eyes, and my clothes. After while, hearing you are so pretty got annoying. Please don't take that as conceited in anyway!!! And we will dig deeper into this surreal standard of beauty in a later post. Most of these people were from Hefei or a place like it; and have never lived anywhere else. So, there ideas of the world are clouded, or rather non-existent. But, overall they are really nice people, and good teachers. They work well with the kids. They work extremely hard for one-third of my salary. 

Overall, I can get use to living here. I still really miss home, but I will take advantage of this wonderful year. There will be pictures!!!! I will post at least 1-2 blogs a week. Feel free to ask questions and I will respond accordingly. Keep me in your prayers. If you have my contact info... use it! It is funny the appreciation you gain for the things or people you have lost, or rather are not as accessible. 

Next Post... Beauty is only Skin Deep?