These Boys!!!

Now this post has taken me a while to write for a number of reasons. Mainly because I needed to make sure what I was witnessing was not just an occasional phenomenon. But as my time grows in China, I have come to expect certain characteristics from the male species. In some ways, they are no different from the guys back home. On the other hand, they truly make me miss a good ole American boy!

These Boys, These Boys, These Boys.... Where to begin

For startes....The locals!

The boys here seems to mature just a bit faster than the girls. That isn't saying much since people here mature 5-7 years slower than most of world. They are smart, educated men that do not seem to hit manhood until somewhere between 30 and 40. You have those that are "boo'd up" are wearing their "going steady" outfits, and carrying their loved ones purse. They walk around with their heads held high like they are just the best thing since sliced bread. Those that are single can't wait to fall in love. There is actually something very sweet and innocent about them. This post in no way reflects the questionable boys with their spiral curls and polyester skinny leg pants. This is just about those normal everyday Chinese boys. It can be quite hard to tell them apart, but there is a difference. These guys have no fear of expressing their sensitive side. They are just as modest as the girls, if not more. Some just desperately fall in love to avoid their parents nagging them or forcing an arranged marriage. In all of my time in China, I have never seen a Chinese boy with a foreign girl. It is very common to see the reverse. I often wonder if it is tradition that keeps them in search of the perfect or, at least, good enough Chinese girl. Their naivety is sincere. Their idea of cool is just what they see on television. Oh... and smart... is an understatement. Most of the young men that I have met are brilliant. However, they are easily intimidated. I try to be as easygoing in my class as possible to make them as comfortable as possible. I learned the hard way though why not to accept dinner from them though. A dinner date makes it official. And it usually heads south from right about, "you teach me English and I teach you Chinese...ok?"

And the Foreign guys!

They can often seem just as weird as the Chinese boys. Guys, who would never get the time of day in the western world, live it up in China. Chinese girls are easily attracted to them for reason most foreign girls wouldn't look twice at. It is actually ridiculous. They get so caught up in their fairy tales in China that they forget how to treat a girl who is not Chinese. They are confused when I quickly put them in their place, and remind them that they have nothing they can offer me. Now, most of the foreign guys are really cool. I have some great friends from all over the world. Some of them even have legitimate good relationships with local girls. A few are even married. This is strictly for the foreign guys that find it hard to stay level headed. The have local girls who just need to hear the words I love you, and they will treat you like emperor of China. They also have the occasional foreign girl who maybe practically in need of just some good male attention. What is acting out of desperation for her, is filling his head with hot air. As for me with most foreign boys, I lay it straight from jump street. My friends will vouch for how many times I have stated, "Sweetie... You wack!"...lol... and walked away.

My African Brothers....

Before I go into this particular group of foreign guys, I have nothing against those who are socially and nationally African. They are really nice people. I know where I come from. I love and respect my heritage. But, there is a very distinct difference between African American men and African Men. As people, there are mostly very nice and pretty cool.... once you get passed their mumbling when they speak English or their unnecessary arrogance. Most of them I fuss at for not fixing their hair or managing their appearance. I remind them that they must be careful of the perception that they give off. There is already a stigma against them. In order for them to compete, they must work twice as hard, and look their best. Many of them, I up keep their locks. It is for a fee of course, but I don't charge them as much as I should, because most are college students, and they need it done regardless. On the other hand, I have had four marriage proposals in the 6 months I have been in China. Main reason is I am black with an American Passport. Then they have the audacity to get upset when the answer is clearly no and "lose my number crazy". They seem to be more intimidated than the locals. That is because I throw them off from their first lie. Nobody likes to be lied to. But, like other foreign boys, they forget how to treat a girl who is not Chinese. So, when they start those lame tales. I call B.S. quick. I have no problem asking to see their passport, or reminding them that I can tell by their accent that they are not American.... walking around looking like The Five Heart Beats! Since living in China, I see African men in a whole new light. I expected a certain "Regal"ness about them. The essence of wisdom and strength. It is bad to say it like this, but that is just not how they are portrayed on TV. lol. Instead of strong black men, I found whiny, arrogant little boys. As soon as we meet, all they see is little black babies and a trip to America. I refuse!!!!!

But there is one more....

It seems like a once in a lifetime kind of deal. You cross paths with a gentlemen who fits none of thee above.   It is rare and precious to meet someone, who is more than just a foreigner and the same ethnicity than you. A person who is symbolic of a little taste of home, yet with an adventurous spice. Someone open minded with a relaxing sense of self. a person who hosts a get a way with in themselves. It can be so relieving to share the same space with a person who actually gets your humor; knows exactly how to interact with you; and provides a comfort zone that can only can be found at home. He isn't an ordinary guy that is just reaping the benefits of being the nearest resemblance of home. He actually fits the bill. I don't even know what to say about this kind of expat.... I will say though, it is only luck, or some cruel joke. However, it nice to be able to enjoy the moment whenever you can.

I am not sure this post did Boys in China any justice. but, hopefully you get the drift. They do keep things interesting. But, you know me... too much about my business to get caught up in some foolishness lol. I'm Just Joshin!

Until next time... Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, as you are always in mine!

Tragic Tangent

So the last time I blogged was for Spring Festival and my trip to MengCheng, Anhui, China. Again, the trip was great, but I had the unfortunate experience of witnessing a most tragic event. As question, concern, and tears ran across my face, All I wanted to do...could do... to make sense of it all was write.

After boarding the bus to head back to Hefei, Grace and I were in very somber moods. Goodbyes are never easy...even if it isn't your family. Not even five minutes into the ride, we hit traffic. Now I expected this three hour trip to take 5. I put my music on, and began to gaze out of the window. There was truly something peaceful about the countryside. I was just about to cover my face and doze off when we reached the cause of the traffic. A man lay next to his moped on the ground. His body uncovered and surrounded in blood. Of course, I gasped. But, soon realized I was the only one taken back by this. Two officers we casually smoking and talking. They stood with their backs turned away from the body, and facing the street. Meanwhile, traffic directed itself, and spectators contaminated the scene of the accident. The weather was misty and it began to rain. I assumed no one at the scene was family. No one seemed to care much. They just watched as if it were TV. As we crept on by, I noticed the last two witnesses to tragic scene. Two children... an older girl holding and covering the eyes of a younger boy. The looks on their face. The lack of concern by the adults. I was beyond confused. I felt as if I had watched a thief just walk away with their innocents; and adults, whose lives had succumb to having no real reaction at all. The new year had just began, and this man would be here to see it.

What happened? Was it an accident? A homicide? An accidental homicide? Who did it? Why are the police standing around? What is this a break? Where is the yellow tap? Could that man still be alive? Where is the ambulance? Was it not worth the risk to try? Who is preparing to tell his wife or his mother that their loved one is dead? Is this what they will see when they arrive on the scene....cops smoking, and people poking at the body? Has the family even been called? Why isn't his body covered? Is there no respect? Does anyone notice the children? Where are their parents? Is this there relative? DOES ANYBODY CARE?

I couldn't begin to answer these questions. I did not understand how or why people could be so careless or thoughtless. Are there just that many people that one life is so invaluable. My students asked me once if I loved China or not. I honestly replied, "no". lol... They were of course shocked. I told them that China doesn't love itself. Therefore, no one else can either. As a people, they are becoming more educated in an effort to reach the cultural standards of the developed world. Yet, in any situation, they will fall back to tradition. They are smart enough to know better, but they won't do better. Why? because of tradition. To them, the concept is simple. The population has decreased. So, it is okay. Forget the fact that this man will be missed. Forget that those onlooking children will be scarred. They carry a sense of "oh well" and they move on. I have become invested in this country. I play a role, like many other foreigners, to prepare people to live among "developed" civilization. Yet, I feel like my Dad before I started to drive. They aren't ready. I feel like they are sleep walking. I need them to wake up!

And this goes for people all the way around the world. Don't be afraid to meet the bar and then raise it. Take pride in your appearance. Define your own standards. It is only by the world around us that our greatness is measured. To help anybody else, you must, first, be a benefit to yourself. Everyone must do their part.

So now my tangent is over....Thanks for reading... As always you are in my prayers, and I hope I am in yours! Stay tuned!

A Brand New Year!

Well, Monday, January 23, 2012 on the Gregorian Calendar marked the first day of the new year on the Lunar calendar. January has been a tough month for me. They don't really believe in breaks here, so in order to get vacation time, you have to make up the work before and after the holiday. So needless to say I was pretty busy with two jobs.... However, I survived! And, I even got a moment to relax. I had the option to go just about anywhere for the Spring Holiday. (mind you it is no where near spring... it is very much cold!) Yet, I chose to work up until the holiday. Also, I couldn't see myself spending a lot of money going anywhere, but home. Just as I was giving up on traveling at all, I met a co-worker of mine. Her English name is Grace. Like most Chinese people, she was going home for the holiday. Vacationing is actually just a foreigner's thing I think. Grace and I became really close about a month ago. She helped go to the doctor, she became my Chinese tutor, a great shopping partner, and a wonderful friend. One day during one of our tutoring sessions, I was expressing how much I missed home, and that I wasn't doing anything for the holiday since I could not be home with my family. She then offered me the invitation to spend the holiday with her and her family. I considered it. She explained where she was from but for the longest only thing I heard was "North" and "Cold". So, I did like my Tri Tri taught me... and I prepared to layer up!!!!

Saturday, the day before New Year's eve, I met grace at our usually KFC. We ate lunch and then we got on the bus to head to the bus station. As I struggle with all my bags off of the bus, Grace says, "Why do you have so much stuff?" "What? ...Girl you ain't freezing me! I got to put on my layers!!!", I replied. She laughed and shook her head. I then understood that she hadn't packed any extra clothes... she was going to wear exactly what she had on for the next five days. I found that to be horrible strange, but that is what the locals do. So, anyway, we rushed up to the bus station and found a bus with room for us. We were lucky we got seats and did not have to wait. It was a three hour bus ride to MengCheng from Hefei. I had my music, but I mostly watched the Jackie Chan movies that were playing. Some people, including Grace, were intrigued that I was laughing at the movie. I reminded her that I had seen the movies in English and I knew what was going on. It's like they think Jackie Chan was only for them...lol. So, we finally arrive in her hometown; and yes, it is too cold!!! I immediately know it was gonna be a long trip. The town was quaint though, ir reminded me of a very old Summerville. We hired a gypsy moto-bike to take us to her house. When we arrived, we were greeted by her little brother Meng Meng. In preparation for me coming, they bout me a heater and a whole lot of Chinese snacks. Her parent's hadn't returned home yet for the evening. I was hungry, but I really didn't want all that stuff. Her brother just kept feeding me peanuts, sunflower seeds, flat bread things, tortilla things, and other stuff that I just don't know what to call it. To be polite I had to try everything at least once. I decided to rest after our trip. So, I took a nap. When I woke up, her parents were home and dinner was being prepared. Her parent's wanted to talk to me so bad; and poor Grace and to do all the Translating. Her parents speak a dialect of mandarin called MengChengnese, which sounds a whole lot like my ghetto Chinese. After while her parent's and I found it quite easy to communicate. lol

Sunday was New Years Eve. We were suppose to go to her maternal grandmother's home, but it had snowed the night before, and the roads were too dangerous to travel. The day before Fu Ma asked me all of my favorite foods.And if I don't know any Chinese at all, I know how to say what I like to eat! Grace and I got to sleep in and woke up a little before lunch. Fu Ma was up preparing the New Year's Eve feast, and she cooked all my favorites! Eggs and Tomatoes, Fried Rice, Beef and Broccoli, Chicken Soup Egg Rolls... It was all there!! There was too much food just for the five of us. I had know idea what she was gonna do with it. I found out later, that she was just gonna keep re-arranging left overs into different dishes until it was all gone. The rice turned into rice porridge, and the eggs and tomatoes turned into egg drop soup! After that meal, I needed to walk that food off. So, Grace and Meng, took me on the tour of the city. Fu Ba bought each of us new boots and warm feet in soles for the holiday. They came in handy walking in that snow and ice. We walked to the city center. Grace explained how the open market used to be the entire town just under 10 years ago. Having the chairman be from Anhui Province, many of the cities have seen a lot of recent development. The city center was a huge gypsy market with any and everything for sale. That was surrounded by a layer of modern stores and businesses. We ended up at the park taking pictures and site seeing. The day was fun, but soon became overwhelming. The locals became increasingly more annoying as they tried to all take a piece of the foreigner. Even poor Grace was getting tired of defending me. So, we headed home. Fu Ma was cooking again. This time getting ready to make dumplings. The traditional dish to bring in the new year. They quickly found out how horrible and left handed I was with chopsticks. I began just poking them to pick them up. They all found it hilarious. For the rest of the evening we watched CCTV new years eve presentation (with English subtitles). Promptly at midnight... I was off to bed!

On Monday, it was off to the country side. Grace's Uncle came to pick us up to take us to where her Grandparent's lived. We briefly stopped  by her maternal grandmothers house since we did not go yesterday. We couldn't stay long though. Holiday's are usually celebrated with the husband's side of the family; and the in-laws are usually the ones in the kitchen preparing the lunch. All her grandparent's were thrilled to see me. They just kept patting me and rubbing my hand. They were talking about me, and Grace told me just to say thank you in Chinese and nod my head. So, I did and it worked. Her family kept giving me seeds and nuts. It would have been rude to turn them down, so I just kept taking them. For the next couple of days, even when I got back to Hefei, I was pulling pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, watermelon seeds, peanuts, pastachios... just random snacks out of my pockets. Though, it was a bit helpful on the bus ride back. The people who I found very intriguing at the party was one of Grace's cousin and his new fiance. They has just gotten engaged after knowing each other for three days. It was an arranged marriage for these two 20 year olds. I felt a bit sorry for both of them. He was pressured into it by his mother, and her life was now his. It seemed a bit surreal to see it first hand. It terrified Grace. She was 24 and expected to be married by 25. Her Aunts and Uncles gave her a little bit of a hard time. She was suppose to bring a boy home...not me!!! But, there was this one Aunt. She was a teacher, which made all the difference. She was ecstatic that Grace had an American friend and wanted to know if she would be going to America. She wanted to give Grace money, and offered to do whatever she could to help Grace if she wanted to go abroad. They did the Chinese Money fight. Her Aunt tried to make her take the money, and Grace refused. That was a big eye opener for me. How quick I would say thank you and gladly accept the money whether I need it or not. With all that I was seeing and experiences, I knew it was a great idea for me to be on this trip.  The day was long, and my feet hurt with cold. It felt good to go home and put on my pink slippers. The Fu's enjoyed me watching me struggle to eat dumplings again for dinner. I taught Grace and her Mom how to hula-hoop. I helped Meng with his oral english; and Fu Ba taught me MengChengnese.

The next day was pretty easy going. We spent the day in the city center. We went to the movies to see Thor. I had already seen it, but it was fun. I was more into talking with the locals that day. So, we laughed and tripped; as I let them practice their English and they tested my Chinese. On the way home, we bought our wishing lanterns. I was beyond excited to finally be able to do one. I wrote the names of most of my loved ones on mine. I didn't really have a wish or a dream. I just wanted my family to know that I loved them and I missed them. All I really wanted was to be home, but I know what I am doing has a purpose and it will be beneficial one day. So, you know the deal, I keep striving and moving forward. My lantern took flight, and I made up in my mind it was going to make it all the way to America. Grace's wasn't so lucky. She wrote love and happiness and money on hers. It didn't leave the yard. Just blew up in flames. I took that moment to share with her. I told her her love and happiness was right here. I told her to find her own peace and make her own money. Those things she didn't need a wishing lantern for. She was upset. So, she told me my lantern was probably stuck in a tree somewhere in MengCheng! lol. So rude! We fought and then laughed.. My lantern made it to America!!!!

Wednesday was bitter-sweet. I was ready to get back to Hefei, but I was going to miss the time with her Family. It almost felt like the day I left America. It took all of my strength not to turn back, and to get on that plane. In my best ghetto Chinese, I told the Fu's bye. Fu Ma gave us some cakes and apples for the trip, and I had all my seeds. They took us to the bus station. As we were getting on the bus, Fu Ba told Fu Ma to tell your daughters bye. I understood what he said, and I looked back. Fu Ma said, "Zai Jian Wo de Lian ge Nu Er". That translates to see you later my two daughter. That was too sweet. I was touched. As, the bus pulled off. Grace and I, both, tried to hold back that one little tear. We caught each other and starting laughing. The ride back how was peaceful for the most part. I will tell you more about that in another blog. Anyway, we arrived back in good old Hefei! The only thing we wanted to do was soak up some heat! We checked into a Bath house. We spent the night, and the next day, pampering ourselves. We had milk baths, body scrubs, massages, manicures, food, and shopping. It was a good end to our holiday.

Going on this trip was all that I could have asked for. It wasn't my family, but it felt so much like home. Being around the Fu's showed me that love does not have a language. I plan to do some good travelling soon. Don't worry! But, for my first trip this perfect. Really China... uninhibited. and down to earth. It made me realize my blessings here and back home. Sometimes, it really is the little things!

Stay tuned... I will tell you what happened on the bus ride home. I couldn't add it to this post b/c of its nature.

As always, keep me in your thoughts and your prayers, as you are in mine! Love ya!

Foreigners.... The Modern day Geisha!

For those who have not seen the movie "Memoirs of a Geisha".....A Geisha: One of a class of professional women in Japan trained from girlhood in conversation, dancing, and singing in order to entertain professional or social gatherings of men. (www.freedictionary.com). However, a Geisha is strictly Japanese. In China, the equivalent would not be called a Geisha. The character used to describe these types of women would be the same symbol for prostitutes. Though, in Ancient Asia, most did not deliver any sexual services. These courtesans were artist. They danced, painted, played music, and sang. They were used as representations for love, beauty, and honor. There are many differences culturally between the Geishas in Japan, and their predecessors of China. A Geisha, in the Ancient term, no longer exists in China. Japanese Geishas are not allowed in China. It is now looked at as strictly prostitution here; and relies most on the underground market for survival. Yet, to fulfill that essences that a courtesan would bring to their social environments, they now look to their foreigners. 


Before, I go any further, there is no sexually connotation that is meant by this blog. That is not to say that it does not happen, but that it does not make or reflect my point. Outside of the usual work or school that brought most of us to China, it is very easy to find side jobs "showing face" for the locals. Some businesses will welcome all foreigners just to show up because it makes them look better to the other locals. Having an establishment that is good enough for foreigners means that you can attract more high class, sophisticated locals. It allows you to charge more for your products or your services. Meanwhile, giving things to the foreigner for free to show their appreciation; and to also mark their status. There are plenty of business that will pay you to sit in there establishment, or to make an appearance. However, these types of gigs are easier to come by if you are of Caucasian descent. Business men will pay white women about $125.00 an hour to stand and pretend to play the violin as they conduct their business. Clubs and restaurants will pay foreigners to lip sing, or even just to show up and partake in their affairs. Being a foreigner usually means instant VIP. Forever flowing drinks and fruit; and all they ask is that every once in awhile you dance to their music or be friendly to the surrounding locals. 


Earlier, I mentioned that these jobs are readily accessible to white....light...fair skinned people. The flip side of this coin is a mass amount of discrimination to my African brothers and Sisters. This, to a point, does not effect me. Once, or if, they reach the realization that I am American...or mixed blood....as I am often referred as. Yet, the first impression is that all African guys are drug dealers, and all the girls are prostitutes......AND.....ALL BLACK PEOPLE COME FROM AFRICA!!! lol. So, if you haven't figured it out yet, I learned rather quickly to stay away from this scene. First, if they do want to hire me, they not bout to have me standing around like some monkey in no zoo. Second, I clear for lord, I will never give them the opportunity to judge me because of the color of my skin! ....mmhmm...yep.... I meant to say it just like that! Lastly, of course that is not what I came over here for. I am here to make money, but mostly just to better myself and make the folks back home proud. If I wanted to keep hustlin to make ends meet, I would have stayed where I was. I do understand some of the college students taking those kinds of jobs. They are not technically allowed to work. But, many will have no source of income without it. Some send money home. Others are saving to bring their families here. There are plenty of reasons, but for me, my dignity just won't allow. I was discriminated once, but I had no idea what I was walking into. The offered us free food and drinks and money just to be present for three hours. That went on for awhile, but eventually the truth came out. I wasn't present that day thankfully. I feel that I would have lost all behavior if I had been there. They only promised to pay the Africans that night, if they promised not to come back. They only wanted the white foreigners to stay from that point on. But, that is all I needed to hear to know not to put myself in that situation again. 


Needless to say, no matter what job a foreigner has, their number one role is ambassador to the western world. It is almost as if we are walking billboards. We bring to life what the west is really like, and not just them vicariously experiencing it through HBO. Everything we do is examined or scrutinized. Not everyone's perception will be positive, but it is their perception still. We are hired by companies to promote English speech for the benefit of listening to a native speaker; as well as to support the standard of prestige of offering a foreign teacher as part of their services. As I am teaching, they will take pictures of  my class. They introduce me to whomever necessary. For the most part, I do not really mind. I enjoy networking, and on the other hand... it is nice to receive attention because you are educated and professional; and not just because you a cute monkey in a zoo. So often the lines get blurred between being that ambassador, and being a maverick. Even when the attention is good, and they are staring because they think that you are beautiful; I need to be acknowledged as a human being. I did come here to provide a service, but I am not a toy. I am not to be used, or misconstrued as available at your leisure. It is not my purpose to cater to the needs of locals. I want to be treated as an intellectual, and an individual. I am here to work, to learn, and to expand my brand. There is so much more you can receive from a person when you no longer perceive what you possibly can gain from them. I wish we lived in a world that ingrained the necessity of manners and education everywhere; and not just this corrupt ideal of socialization. 


Thanks for reading... I know I have venting a lot lately, but adjusting to life here has its ups and downs. Hopefully, my next blog will be a little more upbeat! 


Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Love, De'

#TIC

Many of us know the "Excuses Poem". It states that excuses are the tools of the incompetent, and are only used to build monuments of nothingness. For most of us, we know that even if we are giving an excuse that eventually we will have to face the music, and face the situation directly. But, here, on the other side of the world, they have built an entire country on an excuse. THIS IS CHINA! What they do not know will not hurt them. Everything is fine as long as there is peace and harmony; and never mind the big elephant in the room. The less you know or understand, the better. Here, things get done because they are suppose to be done. There is never a question of why or how? They just do. Acceptance is Ignorance and Ignorance is Acceptance. The people lose themselves in this effort to become united. And as a foreigner living here, it is hard to hold on to your individualism and your expectations. Often times, I find myself questioning whether or not I am being the stubborn American. I feel lost in a sea of unrealistic peace. It is something that some say I must get use to and accept. However, I fear how that will effect me in the long run. Other foreigners find it quite easy to just go with the flow of #TIC. So far, I have not been able to talk myself into it. I don't think I can or that I should really. When I even considering the excuse for a reason, I can feel the sensation of just being slapped upside my head for being so "no manners". I understand the culture is different, and certain things you do just have to let people be themselves. Yet, perhaps, our humanity should sometimes over-ride our sense of self preservation, and maybe consider doing what is best for others.

Movers and Pushers....

Sadly, it has become funny to watch the locals push and shove each other to get on the bus, order food, or even just use the restroom. My first reaction is that it is not that serious! In Kindergarten, we learned how to line up in a single file line, how to take turns, and the value of please and thank you. We were reprimanded  for cutting the line or standing out of place. With that in mind, I stand back, and watch people fight to be first on an already packed bus so that they can get where they are going. Many times, with just a little patience, they would have noticed the other bus going the same way with less of a rush. But, that is there natural reaction. to hurry up and get it, because if you don't, you will miss it. The country is so big, that the people have gotten use to always fighting for what they need, or not getting it at all. So as the country expands, the peoples mentality has stayed the same. It has become so ingrained in their persona, that no one minds pushing or being pushed. As for me, I am ready to snap on the next person who brushes past me. At times, I try my best to be a reflection of an act of kindness. Most aren't sure what to do with it. It is really a test to my patience and temper. As I work on those things, it is hard to also balance the other side. Which is a disapproval for the lack of courtesy. I can't let that become okay with me. Yet, everyday, it seems harder and harder to adapt to the nature of the people and hold to my standards.

Table Manners....

Often times when I am out to dinner, locals will come up to us.  They either want to talk to us in English or Chinese, have a toast, or plainly just watch us eat. Now, this is not the way they treat each other, but because we are foreigners and this is China, we have to put up with these interruptions. I understand that business is done and relations are built over drinks. But, whether my dinner is casual or intimate, I do not want to be bothered. I am trying to eat...lol!  I don't drink, so many get offended when I raise my glass of water; or raise the glass they brought me,... and then sit it down. lol... I find it hilarious! I try not to hide my disgust as they disturb my dinner. I usually am the one to say goodbye or get a way as rudely as possible. And by that point I don't care that I am looked at as an ambassador for the west, because in the west this behavior is unacceptable. You do not interrupt others when you are not directly involved with them. And....you know me! I am usually stuffing my face anyway....lol. I have to admire though the reason they do it. Most are just trying to be friendly. However, there is a time and a place for everything; and standing over me while I eat is not it!!!

Home Sweet Home....

Just other day, I went apartment hunting. I used an agent at first. He met me and a coworker of mine, who was going to interpret for us, on the corner. I told them exactly what I needed. Some locals may say it was a bit too picky, but I didn't want to buy my own refrigerator or air condition unit. I wanted to live in a tall building with an elevator, and not a 6 floor walk up. I compromised for location however. I advised that I was willing to not stay in the city center in order to get a nicer, newer place. They first place that I was shown was a walk up. I said no from jump street. I gave in and looked at the apartment anyway. It was old. Things were broken. They kitchen and the bathroom was almost all in one, and the beds had no mattress. The neighborhood was right next to the upscale department stores, and the supermarkets, and the business district. Yet, behind the wall of luxuries buildings, they had walked me into the ghetto. There was an outside market with vegetables, trinkets, meat hanging on lines, and dead fish in tubs of water waiting to be sold. You can probably imagine the smell!!! I am already highly disappointed and annoyed at the waste of time. The second place had a nicer building, but not that much better. The apartment was actually very nice, but everything from the last tenant was still in the house. He had just moved out and left everything behind. For instance, the eaten sunflower seed shell that were left in the glass coffee table drawer; or the mildewed rags hanging in the bathroom. With no regard to #TIC, I asked the question, "So, ya'll really show your clients dirty apartments?" The agent, as well as my interrupter,  shrugged their shoulders and blatantly replied "Yes...". You could tell by agents facial expression that he thought I was just asking for too much. Needless to say, he did not charge us for the visit, and was probably elated not to have me for a client. lol.

In my experience thus far, I have spoken to many locals. Most will tell you that their is a standard of courtesy and manners that exists in China. It is out of necessity that many bad behaviors has become habitual. As they have open their borders, times begins to change. Yet, the people are finding it difficult to break the habits that have become tradition. So, many English students savor over the chance to explore another country, or enter into western society. But, they fear that it will be overwhelming getting use to the culture. I just taught an etiquette class the other day to some high school students. I walked a thin line, because I did not want to extinguish their dream of traveling abroad, but I really wanted to address the difference between the cultures. With that, I plan to continue not excusing their reason not to be polite; or  respect the privacy of others; or not to take pride in their appearance. However, I must keep in mind that perception is reality, and these people do what they must. It is not until any of us learn better that we actually do better. So instead of being a part of the problem, I must find away to create a solution. Maybe, this could be a calling to teach English etiquette. There could be a lot of money in that.... We shall see what the future holds!

Next Post.... Foreigners... Modern day Geishas! (Coming really soon since I am so behind...I've been busy!)

Dancin Out!

Some times are..... hard. 
Times where marinating in my tears only makes it worse. 
I need to get up off this floor. 
I gotta move. 
I need to feel the splinters pierce my feet as I slide across the floor. 
I am gonna lace up my tap shoes and add new indents to the wood. 
I am going to leap, lunge, turn, kick, switch, reverse and all that jazz. 
And bruise my knees til my stockings bleed and then get up and do it again. 
Not even stopping for a water break cause my sweat will cool me off the natural way. 
I am gonna push myself till my sugar is high and my throat is pumping cause my adrenaline is rushing. 
Turn without spotting till I am dizzy. 
Doing splits in first, second, and fourth position standing up against the wall until my legs are numb. 
Like a lyrical genius, I am going to choreograph with out even thinking. 
Making orange colored skies visible. 
And I will feel the heat with the bar like I am dancing with somebody.
I am not gonna stop dancing until i can hit at least 5 turns in a row right and left. 
I am going to hit my leaps in first, second, turning and switching. 
I wont stop moving until I am bruised, swollen, beaten, and bleeding. 
And I will do it all to myself. 
With nobodies help. 
I will dance till the pain brings tears to my eyes. 
Tears to cover up the real reason why i cry. 
See Natalie Cole would laugh it out of her life. 
Laugh so hard til she cried.
But me, I am going to Dance it out in the most traumatizing, abusive way i know how. 
Releasing all my anger until my body hurts and I can do nothing but fall back on to the floor and cry it out.


This is a poem that I wrote years ago... or maybe I won't call it a poem. Rather, an expression of words that I had to get out of my head and onto paper. There is nothing like the passion of dance. Everything around us moves...everything dances. Dance is a visual expression of music and lyrics, or the lack there of. It has the ability to reach all your senses to deliver it's message. And, in China, dance is a big deal.... 


I had no idea, but I was totally excited when I saw it... Groups of people line dancing at the supermarket! Every evening, no matter the weather, the locals come together. They put a song on the loud speakers, and they dance. They seem to know which line dance goes to which song. I do not know how they practice. Maybe, they just do it so often, that they just get into the swing of it. It is really interesting to see. No matter what supermarket you go to. They are there right after sun down. A section of the grounds are marked off; and lines of people come together for this evening ritual. In the same fashion, in the morning, many of the older people will get together to do flow yoga. Maybe after the children have been dropped of to school. The sun is up and the air is cool. This is the time for the people who may not be able to keep up with line dances, or going to the gym. And, like most outside events, it is free. Hatha flow yoga is said to be easy for beginners and older adults. It seems to be soothing and great exercise all at the same time. I have even thought about joining them, but I am usually on my way to work when I see them. But, they are interesting to see. I have also rode by locals dressed up in costume performing routines in small groups.   There are probably a few different groups taking turns dancing with others beating drums or shaking something behind them. Again, I was on the bus. I could not get in any pictures. It was fascinating to see. I am not sure the reason behind it, but it was very cultural. It reminded me of going to the community center and partaking in the African dance with the ladies in the traditional costumes. So needless to say, the locals like to be OUT DANCING!


My most favorite event that they do is ballroom dancing in the park. Me and some of my foreign associates were spending time in the local park. As we were leaving, we could hear the music with the reggaeton flavor. My friend from the Philippians and I immediately got excited. We walked up on a group of people doing the salsa. She and I jumped right in! I think the locals were surprised to see us join in on the dance. We danced our way all the way through the crowd. And at the end of the song, we took a bow! lol. That was so much, we have been back twice since. We can not understand the teacher, but we made do by watching their body language. Even in just walking past the park, I can hear the music playing. It has a way off putting a smile on your face. 


Now, for the younger adults.... they love to dance. They will pop and lock all day. They may not even be sure of what the song is saying, or they will spend the time to decipher the words. They love to freestyle, and most are current with the latest dance move. I had a group who was too excited to show me the dougie. I had to give them a few pointers on their flow, but they were some great dancers. Their society is very encouraging to them about promoting their craft. Groups display their talents on stage of local events or at night clubs. There is a battle coming up later on this month. Where different groups will compete to see who is the best. I hope I get to make it to see that. They put so much effort and care into their craft, it was inspiring. So I decided to find a place where I can dance. After asking around, I found a dance studio not far from where I work. They offer jazz and hip hop. And from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm the classrooms are open for personal use. I met the instructors, I observed the class, and I took a free class. I was sold! So, this was my first week of class. I thought it was going to be weird, but I fell right into it. And for the most part, my classmates don't mind me unless they want my help. I really enjoyed the classes. I was so amped after they were over. I am really sore though! Like, I really worked hard, and I got to show off a bit too lol!. 


The class is actually helping give my life routine. It is really good exercise, and the people are nice. I can honestly say that I had not felt this way about dance in years. It is good to find what I enjoy here where so many things are unfamiliar. It seems to be that dance is a big part of the culture here. It brings people together. It is a work out. For me, it helps tear down that great divide that makes us so different. So, whenever I am feeling restless, or stressed out...the studio is just a bus ride away.......or my nearest supermarket lol.


A few pics of the Rt mart dancing group...lol!


Until next time....

Expanding My Brand

In China, there are many pros and cons to being a foreigner. When I first arrived, I was pleased to see that Hefei had a good-sized community of foreigners. I have met people from all over the world. Most of us are teaching, and there are few that may have a side business as well. On Average, Foreigners make way more than the locals. We work less hours...maybe between 15-25 hours a week. Even when, they raise the price, and give us the "it cost more because your foreign" discount, it is still cheaper then what most of us would pay in our home countries. With the night life, We are treated like celebrities, and the club owner is just grateful that we make appearances. And for most foreigners, that is enough. That is all that they require. That is their Chinese experience. They are complacent with being the puppet....behaving the way foreigners are expected. They work a little bit, Go out after, and recover the next morning. And, maybe, if I was just "running".... that would be okay with me too. But, I want more. There has to be something worthwhile to gain from this experience.

I remember three things that my Father used to always tell me: "If you can sell yourself, you can sell anything.", "Be content, but never satisfied", and my favorite...."Those who forget their past, are condemned to repeat it".

So first on my quest for "more", I decided that I was going to become a student of the language and the culture. I downloaded Chinese learning software. I have a Chinese grammar and pronunciation tutor twice a week. I am becoming more observant and inquisitive about the behavior and meaning of the culture. Slowly, my courage is building to begin using the simple words in public...like Hello, and Thank you lol. My teacher is always getting on me about talking with my neck. But, every word has four different tones and meanings. So, you have to say it with the right tone, or it could mean something you don't want it to. So, as I process the word in my head, I say it with my body to make sure that I am using the right term. She and the other teachers get a kick out of it lol, but it works for me. I am intrigued by there daily lives. I do my best to understand why they behave the way they do. I find similarities, as well as differences. Many times, I notice that we all have the same issues, it just made better sense to them to handle it in a different manner. For example, the Chinese are very straight forward people. So, when it comes to driving, beside them or behind them means nothing. In America, we rely on our mirrors, our lights and our signals to tell other drivers our intentions and to make the safest move. Yet, here in China, the horn replaces all of that. Because other drivers are not going to pay attentions to what is not right ahead of them. And the number one goal is to reach the destination by any means necessary. Using your horn in the U.S. for anything other than an extenuating circumstance is likely to get you cussed out, shot, or killed lol! But here, it is polite. It is the manner by which the roads are kept safe. Seems impossible, but China has one of the best driving records in the world...Go figure! The point is, taking the time to learn and understand a different culture will make it easy for me to adapt in a number of situations. Having this skill and experience makes me more marketable.

Secondly, I am constantly searching for more work. Not just more teaching, but corporate as well. I am looking here and at home. I love my job. I actually am beginning to like the kids. But, it isn't enough. I am doing my best to be proactive in finding the next best move. I am keeping my options open. I don't want to sit still and become complacent with my current life. I am focused on what comes next, and most definitely not going backwards. When I look at how far I have come, it is impossible for me to be satisfied. I know how easy it is for everything to slip right through your fingers. Sometimes my search for greatness leads to many restless nights. There is almost a fear of going backwards. At the same time, there are thoughts of self sabotage that creep up. I must remind myself to live in the blessing; and to take progression one step at a time. Sometimes, I have to slow down, but I refuse to give up. The Chinese are hard working people. Many of them, never get to enjoy the luxuries that their own city provides. In living here, I can't see myself just lounging. So no matter if next year comes, and I am here, home, or somewhere else, I want to be able to say that my next move will be greater than this one. I want to truthfully be able to say that my life was a blessing to me and to those around me

I took this journey mostly to find answers to questions that I did not even know how to ask. Yes, its true, I was running; but this trip has become so much more than that. I am expanding my brand. I am a greater commodity to whatever job I take next, or to the life of any person I may meet. At first, I was really home sick; and pretty disgusted with the manners of these people. I have since found that my opportunities here are endless. This trip has the potential to broaden my horizons fare greater than just going to go visit the Great Wall. I am two months in, and I am looking forward to the next ten to come. I refuse to spend it getting wasted all night, and the bulk of my following day recovering. I wake up earlier. I call my family, and then there is business to be done. I could have stayed home and partied. I much rather be up filling out resumes, practicing my Chinese, and then followed by a dance or yoga class in the evening. Then, when my foreign associates ask me where I have been, I tell them, and watch the look of confusion take over their face. Don't worry though, I plan to do a lot of sight seeing and touring; and it is fun to go out every now and then. However, I want to really experience China. I like doing what the locals do. That is the stuff that makes you great, and not being in VIP.  That will definitely be an upcoming blog, Chinese Night Life....

Anyway, sorry this was late. I hope you all enjoy. Miss you guys dearly. Feel free to share, and keep me in your prayers!

Look for my next blog coming soon: Dancing Out!